You tried a long distance relationship and it didnt work out. Maybe you ended it; maybe your ex did.
Now youre in the rubble of a failed relationship and youre getting the urge to reach out to your former partner. Questions are springing to mind, like: Should I call my long distance ex?
Before you pick up the phone, read on to learn when calling a long distance ex is OK and when its bad, bad idea.
Good reasons to call your long distance ex
1. You want to get back with them -- If you initiated the breakup and now youre realizing that it was a huge mistake, you need to do some damage control, pronto. Get in touch (if theyll let you) and try to ease back into a friendship with this person. Dont pressure them; dont jump in too fast. You broke up with them, remember? Theyre still healing.
This advice only applies to good people who made a bad decisions. Serial off-and-on daters who have ended relationships (and got back together) more than they can count on one hand need to step back to deal with their own issues before they bring someone else into their lives.
2. The split was mutual, but you still didnt take it well -- Lets say you had a pretty healthy relationship but the distance was too much. You didnt have enough time or money to see each other with any kind of regularity and your careers seemed to be splitting into polarized directions. You both saw the issues and decided to end it.
In the hurt of losing a relationship that you cherished, even though you knew it was impossible it was to sustain at this time, you started acting out. You may have even been a bit mean. It was out of character and youre embarrassed.
In that case, sure, call them up. Clear the air. Stay on good terms.
Bad reasons to call your long distance ex
1. Youre lonely -- Hearing their voice may temporarily ease the loneliness but you will only feel it 100x worse once youve ended the call! Go out with friends instead!2. You want to get back at them -- Not with them, but at them. Your pain from the breakup is raw, and perhaps youre reflecting on all the messed up stuff they did to you. You want to make them hurt, too.
Dont.
Channel your energy somewhere else. Dont even give them the benefit of knowing youre even thinking about them, negatively or otherwise.
The best revenge is living a full, happy life. Live it!
3. You want to be friends... but youre still in love with them -- Its so difficult to start friendships with someone you once loved, or whom you still love. Any gains you get from their companionship in phone conversations will probably be undermined by the constant reminders that your ex is moving on with their life, probably dating other people.
Itll suck. Dont resume friendship until youre over them.
4. You want to be friends, but theyre still in love with you -- Maybe youve moved on and you still quite like having your ex in the picture. You have fun conversations and they know you so well. Its good to have them in your corner.
But if you know theyre still in love with you, its mean to drag their post-breakup healing out, especially if you still flirt a bit. You dont have to go fully no contact, but dont give your ex false hope -- thats not cool.
Recap
Sometimes calling a long distance ex is OK. If breaking up was a terrible idea, you need to get in touch to make it right. Just dont rush into anything. And even if you dont want to get back together, there are some occasions where you may want to clear the air and apologize for any bad, disrespectful behavior on your part.
However, for most people, the answer to Should I call my long distance ex? is No!
