The Post Divorce Dating Game

The idea of starting to date after a divorce is enough to make a grown woman break out in hives. A divorce is a traumatic event and will take time to not only recover but to decide that you are ready for a new relationship. Especially if you are coming out of a log marriage, it can be overwhelming to consider going on a date with someone new. How can you survive the new world of dating after your divorce is final? 

1. Are you ready to start dating? Just because you are divorced, you don’t have to jump right back into dating. Give yourself time to move through the stages of grief before even considering entering the dating world. When you have reached the point of forgiveness for your ex, then you will know you are on the road to recovery. Once the idea of dating doesn’t make you want to run and hide, then you are more than likely ready to start dating.

2. It’s ok to be afraid. Someone once said that courage isn’t the absence of fear – it’s the knowing you’re afraid and doing something anyway. Dating after divorce requires courage of a whole different level. How do you let people know that you are ready to start dating? It is perfectly normal to be anxious about dating again – start slowly. Tell a few close friends that you’re looking to meet someone new start going to parties or social events – don’t feel like you need to be in a rush. 

The Post-Divorce Dating Game

3. What are you looking for? Determine what you’re looking for before you begin dating. Are you looking for another long term relationship? Do you just want to meet some new people or have fun? Once you can identify what you’re looking for, you will be able to steer your dating choices towards that goal. You may change your mind after a while, so remember to re-evaluate your dating goal periodically. 

4. Join the media revolution. Chances are good that online dating wasn’t an option when you first started dating. Now, it is a primary means of meeting and getting to know people who have similar interests. Check out one of the reputable online dating services to give you the opportunity to meet potential dates. A great way to avoid the awkwardness of meeting someone in a coffee shop or bar, online dating gives you a safe way to narrow down the options.

5. Date around. Finding the courage to date again can make you feel like the first person you date should just be the next relationship. Don’t fall into this trap! Date a few people and get an idea of what you want in your next relationship. Be upfront with the people you’re dating – let them know that you are seeing other people casually. 

Dating after divorce is a nerve-racking experience. The most important thing to remember is to be yourself – take this opportunity to explore new activities and meet new people. There is life after divorce – it may take time, but it will happen. 

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If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Recovery Myths

At the end of a relationship, it seems as though everyone has some helpful (and sometimes not so helpful) advice. These tidbits of “wisdom” range from the annoying “You’re better off now” to the offensive “I don’t know what you saw in him anyway”. 
Unfortunately, these little snippets of help often lead to myths that make you feel as though something is wrong with you. 
Let’s dispel some of the more common breakup myths and get you back onto the road to recovery.

 

“Your ex was a jerk – don’t waste time missing him.” This classic line sounds like good advice on the surface. The reality is that a breakup is an emotional event. While your ex may in fact, be a jerk, you saw something in him that drew you to him, so there was some connection between you. 

When you lose that connection, there is a loss that can cause you emotional pain. You will still need to move through the stages of loss before you can move on in your life. Even when your ex is a jerk, you are actually mourning the loss of the good parts of the relationship – so it makes sense that you will be sad. 

“Missing him is a sign that you should still be together.” This is bad thinking. Much like a drug addict misses their drug of choice – even years after the last time they took it – missing something is not a sure-fire sign that you were meant to be together. 

Recovery Myths

This is an emotional response to the loss, and should not be taken as reasons to get back together. When you lose something, you miss it – even if it was not good for you or if you are glad the relationship is over – there is still a sense of loss that must be worked through. 

“Just get over it.” If sadness could be swept away with a flip of a switch the world would be a different place. Your friends and family likely don’t want you to be sad, so they want you to be able to move on as quickly as possible. 

Just willing yourself to get over the loss is not an effective (or healthy) way of dealing with the end of a relationship. Don’t fight the stages of relationship loss – they are all important. You will “get over it” when you are ready to move on. 

“You should be over it by now.” We’ve all been there – the long days of sadness and anger feel like they will never end. Unfortunately, there isn’t a time limit or a specific number of days that the grief will last. 

Moving on from an ended relationship is different for every person, so there is no way to determine how long the process will take – you can only move through the grieving process until you find yourself through it. 

Each person is different, and ending a relationship is different for each person. Don’t get caught up in the ideas that other people tell you. Mourn the loss of your relationship, and move through each stage so that you can be ready to face a new relationship when it presents itself. 

NEW! Now You Can Stop Your Separation, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Relation Seems Hopeless!

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Read More..