Heartbreak 101

Finding fulfillment after heartbreak can seem difficult. What should you keep in mind to survive your relationship breakdown?

1. You are not delusional. Many times after a breakup, women second guess themselves – and begin to think that they were not actually in love, or that it wasn’t true love to begin with. Just because the relationship ended does not negate the reality of your feelings. 

2. Don’t play the “What If?” game. Don’t spend time wondering about what could happen (“Will he find someone else? Will his new partner be prettier/smarter/a better cook than me?”) Trying to imagine what will happen only prolongs your heartache, and is not helping you to recover. Spend your time focusing on moving past the relationship. 

3. Release the anger. Anger is an important part of the stages of grief. You need to feel anger – it helps you to move beyond the relationship. Don’t hold on to the anger for too long. Sometimes anger becomes a habit and is causing more harm than good. Feel anger, and then move on. 

4. Let go of the connection. It is tempting to go back to the relationship – even after it is over. Many women want to beg their ex to take them back, promising to change or do things differently. Accept the end of the relationship. Don’t try to force a broken relationship to work. 

Heartbreak 101

5. Get help. Find a support group – family and friends are a great place to start. If you are not near people who can give you the support and encouragement you need, consider joining a therapy or support group. If you have thoughts of suicide or of acting out in anger, seek professional therapy or counselling.

6. Understand your worth. Just because your relationship ended, it does not mean that you are unworthy or unable to be loved. Not everyone is capable of giving you the love you need. This isn’t your fault! You have immense value and worth – keep looking until you find the person who appreciates and recognizes it.

7. Onward and upward. It may seem like the end of the world – but it will get better. Focus on taking care of yourself: healthy eating, exercise and proper rest; as well as making changes in your life that are for the better. As you begin to heal, you’ll find that you are moving beyond the heartbreak and into a place of wholeness that will be a good starting point for a new relationship. 

Heartbreak can give you a new perspective on the world. You may learn to appreciate the value of a love you once had, or may make you appreciate the small pleasures of sitting quietly in the park and watching the birds. 

Use heartbreak to motivate you to try a new experience, meet new people or travel to new places. Yes heartbreak hurts. But it does heal, and you can recover. Don’t be afraid to let yourself get better, you only have to be willing to take a chance on yourself – and love.

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Setting Healthy Boundaries

Every relationship is a series of give and take – sometimes you give more, sometimes you take more. A healthy relationship moves back and forth between the two areas, with ease and understanding. 

When a relationship is in its beginning stages, it is important to set healthy boundaries to ensure the success of the relationship. If boundaries are not set, either one or the other of the members of the relationship may begin to feel imposed upon, and will be unhappy in the relationship. This leads to breakup and discontent.

Boundaries are both physical and emotional. Physical boundaries include the ideas of who can touch us, and how they can touch us. A random stranger in the grocery store has a different set of boundaries than your mom, for example. 

If your mom hugged you, you probably wouldn’t react with shock or discomfort. Physical boundaries are important to help you feel physically safe and comfortable. 

Emotional boundaries are equally as important. Boundaries in your emotions dictate how you respond to people around you. If you feel as though you are responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being, you have a low level of emotional boundaries. 

Setting Healthy Boundaries

People who have low emotional boundaries generally have chaotic lives – full of drama and stress. 

Analyze your own emotional boundaries at the beginning of a relationship to help identify areas where you need to work. Boundaries that are too tight can be seen in a person who never lets anyone get too close. 

They seem distant and self-reliant. They generally have very tight physical and emotional boundaries – no one is allowed within the rigid walls of their person. 

Someone with loose boundaries is often sexually promiscuous, is easily hurt and easily angered. They have no protection or boundary line, and are in constant need of reassurance. The person with no boundaries is easily hurt – both physically and emotionally.

A healthy set of boundaries is firm, but flexible. There are definite areas that are off limits, but the boundary may change as circumstances change. At the beginning of a relationship, for example, there may be limited physical contact, but as the relationship progresses, the boundary of physical touch may change. 

Emotionally, someone may be held at arm’s length until they have shown themselves to be trustworthy and secure. Not everyone will respect your boundaries – be firm in your boundary setting and choose your relationships wisely.

It is important to discuss your boundaries with the person you are in a relationship with. This can be handled in a calm and friendly manner, letting the other person know that you value their friendship but that there are certain restrictions to the relationship. 
Boundary setting is a continual process and can lead to a sense of self-worth and self-appreciate. It is exciting to know that you can be your true self with another person, and that they understand and know the real you. Don’t be afraid to establish relationship boundaries at the beginning of a new relationship – they set the stage for a lasting and secure relationship. 

NEW! Now You Can Stop Your Separation, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Relation Seems Hopeless!

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Read More..

Healthy Self Esteem Healthy Relationship

Without a healthy sense of self-esteem, it is virtually impossible to find a lasting and real relationship outside yourself. Whether you are currently in a relationship, or you are single and looking for your next relationship, you can improve your self-esteem. Do a self-check and evaluate your self-esteem levels; take some time to work on your self-esteem this week!

Are you in charge of your own mood? Let’s face it – we all love receiving a compliment or hearing something nice said about us.  We will smile all day long remembering what was said, and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when our mood depends on the words of others. 

If you need the validation of another person to ensure that you are happy, your self-esteem needs some work. Find something about yourself that you love: your sense of humor, your eyes, your snarky sense of wit and focus on those areas. 

When you find yourself wondering why you haven’t gotten a compliment, start giving yourself one on the area that you most admire. Take control of your own mood!

Are you worried about how you upset others? Women tend to find value in their relationships and often find their sense of self-worth through the state of their relationship. If things are good, then they must be doing things right. 

Healthy Self-Esteem = Healthy Relationship

If their relationship is in trouble, there must be a problem with them. When your partner is upset, if your initial reaction is to wonder what you did to cause a problem you may have codependency issues.

Are you experiencing déjà vu? Do you find yourself in the exact same relationship over and over – just with a different person? If you find that you end up with someone who is disrespectful of you repeatedly, it may be an indicator of a self-esteem issue. 

You may need to spend some time considering why you choose men who hurt you. Are you trying to change their behavior? Do you feel as though that is the only type of man you deserve? Once you have identified the pattern, you can begin to take steps to change.

Are you in a spinning teacup? It starts simple enough: you wake up and notice a new wrinkle under your eye. Then you start to obsess over your weight. The next thing you know, you are worried about why your boss chose someone else for a new project and your best friend didn’t call you like she said she would. 

The spinning cup of negativity can be difficult to stop – once you start turning the wheel it seems impossible to slow it down. The secret to dealing with this cup of despair? Don’t start turning the wheel. When you have a negative thought, follow it up immediately with a positive one - effectively putting the brakes on your self-esteem killer. 

Working on your self-esteem will help make you a happier, stronger person. When you are happy with whom you are, it is easier to find happiness with another person and your relationship will be better for it. 

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