But leaving someone with borderline personality disorder? Very difficult!
Sure, some folks out there may get on just fine, many people claim that getting out of a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder is one of the most challenging things they have had to face.
Here are four challenges that can be unique to leaving someone with borderline personality disorder (otherwise known as BPD).
1. You may still want to help your ex. When someone is suffering, it is natural to want to help. And in the case of someone with BPD, they need assistance. But heres the thing: it cant be from you. And for a couple reasons.
First of all, if your partner hasnt pursued treatment, or not much, they need time (and visits to a psychologist / psychiatrist) to get things in order as an individual. Theyre not ready for a relationship.
Secondly, if you try anyway, you could get very hurt. Many suffering from borderline -- particularly if they havent formed strategies for dealing with their symptoms -- can have cycles of being downright nasty and unwittingly manipulative to their loved ones, and for reasons beyond their control. (Not that it justifies it, but it makes things more complicated.) Sometimes you need to know when to protect yourself.
2. You may remember the good times (too much). The early days of relationship with someone with BPD are often idyllic. They seem wonderful. And you? They practically worship you. Even if you questioned their adoration, eventually you went along for the rise.
When the relationship ends, those loving, warm memories of early days can come back to haunt you. They block out the bad stuff, sometimes tempting you to return to a toxic relationship.
3. You might have to contend with the pain of knowing they hate you. People suffering from BPD struggle with intimacy, and often that means splitting a loved one black. In other words, it feels like youre being demonized by someone without really understanding why.
It sucks when someone hates you, but to not get the reasons behind it? To know that you havent done anything that would qualify you for a circle in hell? It can be brutal!
4. You may struggle to put your finger on the truth. Alright, so truth is relative. Its one of those philosophical quandaries you can discuss for hours on end. But in many cases, you can form some version of the truth (up for review, of course) without tearing your hair out.
Reflecting on a relationship with a borderline doesnt afford that privilege. You dont want to completely dismiss everything about your partner -- it would be reductionist to assume everything they said or did was untrue or shaped by BPD -- but it can be tough to figure out what the heck just happened in your relationship (or your life).
These issues are just the tip of the iceberg. You will likely encounter a laundry list of challenges when leaving someone with borderline personality disorder. However, no matter how challenging it may get, there are plenty of people who have walked this path before you. With perseverance and guidance, you can make it through!
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