When Connie got home from work, she was already exhausted from a long day of meetings. She’d left the high-pressure world of event planning sales behind to get into nonprofit work.
She loved the challenge of raising money for her charity, and her job as a development director allowed her to leverage some of her former business relationships into new donors.
On this particular day, though, her executive director was worried about finances and had really called her on the carpet, even though she was already 22% over budget for the current fiscal year.
It didn’t help matters when she got home and opened a letter from the Internal Revenue Service, addressed to her and her husband Bob. When she opened it, she was shocked to see that they owed the IRS more than $7,000 in back taxes.
Bob did some freelance writing work in addition to his job as a teacher, and it looked like he hadn’t been making payments on his freelance income. And he certainly hadn’t told her about this.
She slammed the letter down on the kitchen island, punched his number into her cell phone, and tore into him when he answered the phone.
Why was Connie so mad? $7,000 is a lot of money, but it’s not the end of the world. Bob had also been taking out payday loans and other short-term credit lately, and instead of telling Connie that he was short with his side of their bills, he had just been making poor financial decisions that was costing them a lot in interest.
The worst part for Connie, though, was that Bob hadn’t told her anything.
Bob’s excuse was that he didn’t want Connie to worry. She was a cancer survivor — had been cancer-free for almost seven years by that point — but her cancer had cost her her thyroid, and she had developed epilepsy as a side effect of the radiation treatment that her oncologist had used on a small tumor in her skull.
So Connie was often exhausted at the end of the work week, spending some of her Saturdays and Sundays in bed just to get ready for the next week. Bob felt guilty about this and wanted to let her think he could handle things on his own.
Of course, he couldn’t, and he was digging a bigger and bigger financial hole for himself — and for her, since their taxes were filed jointly. Now there was a huge hole in the middle of their relationship, created by the simple fact that he couldn’t be trusted about money.
What should Bob have done instead? The problem with their finances began about a year and a half ago, when his health insurance (which also covered her) went up by 22 percent.
She also had dropped back from full time to part time work because of some fatigue and stress from her former job. He felt like he needed to do everything himself, but he simply couldn’t.
He should have told her about the problem and perhaps could have gone to family members for some short-term help. The bottom line: Connie was getting the message that he didn’t trust her as a partner, and she felt a complete lack of financial security as a result. She also felt like their relationship was worthless without that trust.
Now, Bob and Connie sit down weekly and talk about the upcoming week in finances as well as longer-term strategies. It’s not always comfortable for either one of them, but they no longer have trust issues with money.
Bob even decided to look for a corporate job at the end of the school year to boost his income, and he wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that without talking to Connie.
So the crisis turned into a win-win for them. If you and your loved one are in a similar mess, trusting each other with the truth is the best way to begin a new path for your relationship.
If you are in pain and confused?
Here’s some good news…
Did you know that most relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it difficult to believe that almost every break up for whatever reason…infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss of interest, a stolen heart and worse…even the worst situations you can imagine…like men serving prison sentences have salvaged their relationships. Yes, even Ex-cons have got back together with girlfriends and wives after being away for years!
There is hope…
Now I can almost see you shaking your head in disbelief…
And it’s okay…let me ask?
Don’t you know couples that have gotten back together? A girl that has taken a guy back?…or vice versa?
I bet you do…and here’s the strange real clincher…
Do you remember why they broke up in the first place? I bet you know at least one guy or gal that took their lover back after an affair…or unfaithfulness…or worse even?
Think about it for a sec…
Sure! And I bet you know of…or have heard of at least one girl that has taken a guy back that REALLY should not have…you know the ones I am talking about…(and I know this is kind of dark)… the girls or guys that are in verbally or physically abusive relationships.
Now, that is some really dark stuff and I am not recommending to anyone to take someone back if the relationship was abusive…I am using it as a point that almost NO SITUATION is unsalvageable…
“Couples reunite every day REGARDLESS of the situation!”
Seriously, Doesn’t that make sense? That if most of us can think of couples that have gotten back together…under even some horrible circumstances…that there could be somehidden recipe, or secret even, to reigniting passion and recapturing lost love?
Now…I am not saying they were holding some “secret love spell” book and doing weird chants…not at all…at the same time somehow, by MOSTLY accident they said and did the RIGHT THINGS at the RIGHT TIME…and won back the heart of their lover…or at least created the circumstances where their ex gave them a second chance.
Allow me to repeat…they did this by mostly ACCIDENT!
Imagine…
What if? What they said…and what they did…could be “bottled” so to speak? And then you could “unbottle” it and put it to use? To erase old hurts…to reignite passion again…to turn back to a time when your relationship was fresh, new and exciting.
Yes…A Magic Love Recipe…in a sense…
You see there IS a “recipe for love” as well as a recipe for winning back and keeping some ones interest, desire, passion, heart and love…
What they did by “accident” can be repeated over and over on PURPOSE!
And you know what?
If I were you…I would be somewhat skeptical right now…that’s totally fine! I am going to show you some concrete proof. Just bear with me okay?
Do you have these symptoms?
-Leaving the radio off because every song makes you cry
-Loss of appetite
-Binge eating for comfort
-Calling your ex several times a day
-Text messaging and emailing constantly (Text Message Terrorism)
-Constantly checking your email and voice mail to see if he/she called
-Not going out because you are afraid to miss a call
-Thinking non-stop about why they REALLY left you
-Feeling massively depressed
-Feeling urges to spy on them
-Endlessly rehearsing what you should have said
-Endlessly rehearsing what you will say if you bump into them
…and when you do get a hold of them, it usually turns ugly because without a clear plan of what you are supposed to do…what happens? P-A-N-I-C…defensiveness…arguments…and then it gets really nasty.
Do you make these mistakes with your ex?
-We try to convince them we are the love of their life
-We will apologize profusely for everything
-Promise to change for good this time
-Try to get them to see that it wasn’t really our fault
-Even beg with them to take us back
…and of course with every word we utter, regardless of our intention, the more and more defensive, angry and distant they become.
Please know…this is not your fault! You weren’t taught this in school. You probably weren’t taught this by your parents…and there is no “get your ex back” night school…
Yeah?
And it is really a shame too because what could be more important than love?..Cars?…Money?…Clothes?…ALGEBRA?
So why? Are there all kinds of books, magazines and help on fixing a car,managing money and all the latest fashions, yet very little USEFUL information on how to fix a broken relationship…manage your emotions or getting the love of your life back?
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