Surviving a breakup is difficult under any circumstance, but when your ex has BPD, it can be a whole different challenge.
Today Im not going to be talking about what BPD is, how it affects relationships, and treatment options that are available. Theres plenty of stuff floating around the Internet that deals with those (important!) topics. And chances are, if youve been involved with someone who has BPD, youve read a bunch of em!
Instead, Im going to write about tips for surviving a breakup when your ex has borderline personality disorder. Some tips apply to most breakups; some are strictly for non-borderlines coming out of a relationship with someone who has the disorder.
1. Eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. I know, I know, totally obvious. But important. And difficult to remember when your mind is spinning! Post notes around your home if you have to, but dont neglect your physical health! If you do, your psychological state will suffer along with your body.
2. Stop rationalizing. Its natural to break a failed relationship down, figure out what went wrong, and devise strategies for improvement that you can use in the future. When your ex has BPD, this tendency is not all that helpful. Im not saying that relationships with people who have this disorder defy all comprehension, but it can be in a different ballpark than youre useful. (One that a trained member of the psychological community is best suited to navigate with you!)
3. Cut yourself some slack! Another tendency for non-borderlines post-breakup is to beat themselves up, chastising themselves for tiny things that would not summon so much as a blink in the vast majority of healthy relationships. Easier said than done, but if you know in your gut that you were a good partner (not perfect, but good) dont ruthlessly criticize yourself! Think: do you really deserve that kind of self-loathing?!
4. Keep your eyes to the future. Your relationship may have ended, but your life is FAR from over. I know that it is really, really challenging to get excited about the future when grappling with post-breakup depression, but try. Think about hobbies you want to do more. Friends you want to see. Skills you want to learn. Others in your social circle -- family and friends -- who love you. Your future is wide open! It may be scary, but it can also be exciting!
It is not easy to survive a breakup, and many breakups with folks who have borderline personality disorder tend to be pretty rough. But you can get through this!
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