So whats next? What do you do after the initial horror? Sometimes what you SHOULDNT do is just as important as what you do.
Dont:
Make revolutionary decisions about the state of your marriage. The day you discover an affair is not the day to call a divorce lawyer although you will certainly be tempted to get one on retainer. Spend some time letting the raw emotions settle before deciding one way or another.
Stop taking care of yourself. A couple of days drowning your sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerrys is not going to be the end of the world. A couple of months with Cherry Garcia and not only is your marriage in trouble, so is your health. Make sure that you are eating regularly and getting some exercise. If you were already routinely working out, get back to it. If not, now is a good time to spend a little time doing something good for yourself.
Go crazy trying to pay him back. A rebound affair is trouble in every way. Dont go looking for a way to show him how it felt or to prove youve still got it. It wont help you sort out your feelings and it wont be helpful in any way it only adds to the disaster.
When the Smoke Clears |
Stop having fun. You may think that laughing and having fun seem wrong during what is a major crisis in your life. Its ok to still enjoy life because life does (and will) go on. Go see a movie and laugh the saying Laughter is the best medicine does have merit. It restores some of your joy even if you dont realize it.
Act like nothings wrong. It is ok to mourn, and have feelings of anger and betrayal. You dont have to put on a brave face for your kids let them know in a healthy and non-frightening way that youre sad and upset, but that you are working through it. They can usually pick up on your emotions and will know something is wrong - denying it will only add to their sense of unease.
Refuse help. Sometimes you need a non-partial third party to talk to. Seek counselling through your church, work programs or a licensed counselor. There is no weakness in admitting you need help.
Be unrealistic. Recovering from infidelity will take time. The tentacles will be far-reaching and can catch you unawares even when you think youve gotten over it. Dont place unrealistic expectations on yourself for how long it takes you to be able to move on and feel secure.
Moving on from an affair does not have to spell the end of a relationship. It will take time and effort to get over the betrayal, but it is possible if you take the right steps.
0 comments:
Post a Comment