Your Ex Boyfriend and the No Contact Rule What You Need to Know

When relationships end, it hurts.

And when youre not even on speaking terms with your ex boyfriend after a breakup, it can really hurt.

But heres some good news for ladies who are feeling the pain of no contact. Even though the silence hurts, you can get through it.

And sometimes the no contact rule thats killing you right now is actually good for you. (Seriously.)

Here are some things you need to know about your ex boyfriend and the no contact rule after a breakup, like how to make the most of the distance, how long you should wait it out, and whether youll ever be able to forget him.

Whats the no contact rule?

Its a rule based on a simple idea: communication between exes should stop after the breakup. No texts. No emails. No late night phone calls about what went wrong. 

Pull the plug. Stop communicating.

Why go no contact? 

Unhealthy

Sometimes the reasons are manipulative. By withdrawing communication, one person believes, they can strike back at a person who cared for them. It can be really nasty when a dumper fluctuates between no contact and contact. So, they reach out to you one day, then they vanish for weeks afterwards.

Its like theyre saying: I dont want you to move on with your life, but I dont want to be in your life either. 

Healthy

The rule shouldnt be used for manipulation. It should be a way to heal.

No contact is about getting emotional distance from a draining, hurtful, broken union. Its a way to clear your head and get over jerks who were never emotionally available.

In other words, its not about seeking revenge on an ex. Its about you.

What should you when following the no contact rule?

Stay busy! Dive into hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but never gave a chance. Throw yourself into work or school. Learn a new skill. And even though its probably not a great idea to enter straight into a serious relationship, theres nothing to say you cant go on a few dates and meet new people.

Theres a huge world out there that has nothing to do with your ex. Enjoy it!

How long should no contact last?

This is a tricky question and, if Im being honest, there is no right answer. It depends on so many variables: how long were you dating, why did it end, and how civil do you act towards each other?

Because the thing is, when you make contact with an ex, you can be opening a wound. Months of emotional healing can vanish after one hurtful phone call. (It sucks.)

So you have to consider that when deciding the right time for you. As a rule of thumb, start contact when youre emotionally prepared to cross that bridge. 

And please, only make contact if the relationship was fundamentally healthy! If your ex was abusive -- or if you were abusive to your ex -- let that ship sail. Its over. Move on. 

Will you ever forget him?

Lets say you have decided never to return to the relationship. It wasnt healthy, and you need out. Or maybe he is with someone new.

In that case, will you ever forget your ex?

Completely? Probably not. But will you move on? Yes!

When youre in love, that person holds such tremendous value that its inconceivable living a life without them. But after some time, youll notice something cool happening: Youll start functioning as an individual.

Sure, you may have done before, but not to this extent. You can finally figure out who you are, what you offer, and ways you want to improve yourself.

Youll realize once you get past your breakup: Wait a second! There are other men out there!

Youll get the exciting opportunity to re-learn a new person and to reveal all the awesome layers of you.

Final thoughts

The no contact rule shouldnt be about manipulation. Its not a game. 

It should be a way to put distance between you and your ex, which is an important step for all relationships that have come to a close, even more so if you were involved in a toxic partnership. 

Its your chance to thrive emotionally away from your ex boyfriend. 

It shouldnt be seen as a means of getting back with your ex. Instead, its a way of coming into your own as an individual so that youre emotionally healthy for your next relationship, whether it is with a former flame or someone new.

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